Spank for freedom

I think most people can be tortured into saying just about anything. When former secretary of state Colin Powel viewed Bush's plan to define torture, he said with dismay that it would cause the world to doubt the moral basis of the war on terror and put our own troops at risk.

Now Bush has reportedly struck a deal with Senate republicans regarding the way suspects are treated. Bush says he will give up his plan and not try to redefine the rules decided at Geneva Conventions regarding torture. This tells us nothing about what "interogation tactics" are still allowable.

Here's my top 10 list of interogation tactics that I think will be most effective against the Taliban:

10. Let him watch his favorite movie in a theater full of teenage girls with cell phones.

9. Send him to McDonalds for Breakfast at 10:31am.

8. Make him listen to Peter complain.

7. Make him drive through leisure world on a Sunday with an octogenarian chauffer that won't turn off his turn signal.

6. Make him watch then entire season of American Idol. If he likes it, wait until the last episode is about to reveal the winner, then turn it off and don't let him find out until he gives up some good intel. If he doesn't like it... then just make him watch it until he gives up some good intel.

5. Any Mel Brooks Movie. Not becuase his movies are bad, just the opposite. I just think that the Taliban would be pissed off by funny jews. The nice thing about this interogation tactic, is our agents making the suspected terrorist detainees watch the movie would probably enjoy it.

4. Barbara Steisand sings, and sings, and sings... her whole portfolio, or until they break down and start talking. I know this is cruel, and could result in detainees giving false information just to make the music stop, but I don't think the UN will complain.

3. High School wresting team workout. Getting all hot and sweaty with some teenage boys will bring any terrorist to his knees. How many times can Bin Ladin get his oil checked before breaking down?

2. It's a small world after all, It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all... It's a small, small world... It's a small world after all... Just don't let them off until we get the info we need!

1. Vote Democrat. Without Bush in office, without policies based on fear and hate, there will not be as much support of these terror groups from foreign countries... Tell them Bush is leaving, and they'll probably go back to leaving us alone.

No Rice for Bush

Recently, Condi Rice seems to be rather friendly with Peter MacKay. Both of these government officials are single, and for that sole reason, I believe they are doing what all the ultra-conservative rigth wing fanatics fear most... having sexual intercourse.


What happened to Bush and Rice? Didn't they make a nice couple? Maybe the pressure of an inter-racial relationship was too much.

I wonder what George did to keep Condi from looking at him the way she used to?


George, you gotta be nicer to the ladies



Personally, I think Bush is just an idiot.
and so does http://www.georgeisanidiot.com/index.htm

Everyone should have a Pope

I think every religion could benifit from a leader that rises above all other leaders.

Islam - I just did a google search for "Islamic leaders in the United States", and three of the first four finds where terrorists. You can probably attribute a percentage of this due to some media bias (either perceived or real). I don't think it is a good idea just to give up there. Who are the Islamic leaders that aren't terrorists? I know they are out there, I have even heard some on NPR, or referenced in news articles, but they don't have a brand name like the Pope, or Billy Graham, or Rev. Jesse Jackson, etc. Is it becuase they are minorities? What about Dr. Martin Luther King? Dr. King was a minority at a time when (I'd argue) blacks faced more discrimination than Muslims do now. I don't think that the news or social attitudes are the reasons we can't recognize Islams leaders, it's becuase they don't draw as much attention to themselves as the Saddam Hussein's, Bin Laden's, Ayman al-Zawahiri's, etc. I don't think terror acts are the only thing that will draw the people's attention to a religious leader, Ghandi for example is a household name.

I claim that each branch of Islam should have an official leader, similar to a Pope, that could speak on behalf of the religion. Not only would this help non-Muslim understanding of the religion, but I contend that it would also help young Muslims appreciate their own religion. For those that are on the edge of becoming terrorist, they could see another way. A respected Islamic leader showing them a peaceful vision of Islam that they maybe have not seen before.


Judaism - Fortunately for me, when I did a google search on Jewish leaders, no terrorists came up. However, I still think there is a lot of anit-semitism in this world. A lot of misunderstanding and unfair stereotypes. There are lots of rabbis out there, but just like with Islam, none of the leaders are household names. Jews are losing numbers for a variety of reasons. Throughout history, we've been plagued with huge challenges. As many religions today are facing a society with a loss of faith, Judaism is too. Pope John Paul II did a lot for the Catholic churh, I think a rabbi with a good understanding of current events and Judaism would be a great benifit as an outspoken Jewish leader. Each branch of Judaism should have an official leader. Orthodox Jew's would not be well represented by Reform, and vice versa.

I'm not so optomistic as to think a leader for each religion would solve all of their problems. Certainly the Catholics have their share of issues. Even the way the Pope is treated is borderline idolotry or Pope worship. However, I don't think that having a leader for a religion necessitates worshiping him/her. Finding a Muslim Ghandi, or a Jewish Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. would go along way in soothing religious tensions.

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9/11 Day Off

I'm pretty sure most Americans would take a day off work to celebrate, commemorate or mourn anything. Good or bad, it doesn't matter, just give us a day off work. Especially around summer time. That being said, I think 9/11 should be a national holiday. For as long as I have been alive, nothing has affected our lives more than the tragic events on that day. 5 years have past, and just the words 9/11 resonates deep sympathy, fear and at the same time pride in American spirit.

I'll never understand how so many Americans feel safer with Bush as President than Kerry or any other alternative. 40% of Americans still mistakenly think that Saddam was connected to 9/11. Why did Bush quickly dismiss Bin Laden as no longer a concern? How do you not care about the leader of a terrorist organization that is still making threats? So much money going to the war in Iraq, I just can't believe this is the best way for us to fight terrorism. Our borders, airports and ports need money to be secured.

If Bush won't admit to any of his mistakes, how will they ever learn from them and make this situation better. I don't think the world is a safer place since Bush has been in office. The number of terrorist attacks tripled from 2003 until last year.

Why do gay marriage debates spend more time in congress than discussions on how to secure our borders? Our government needs to wake up. We don't need government to make our moral decisions. We do need government to keep us safe, and preferably, we'd still have some civil liberties while being safe.

Dan the Man

Last night I went up to visit my cousin Dan at the UCLA medical center. He has a rare form of skin lymphoma and he just finnished 1 week of chemo and will have stem cells reinfused back into his system tomorrow.

Dan is one of the most amazing people I've ever known. Even after 1 week of being beat up by chemo, he is still incredibly fun and funny, cracking jokes and making us all laugh. He always has a joke for every occasion. If what they say is true, that laughter is the best medicine, Dan will cure himself in no time.

Hope you get to go home soon Dan!

Scaring my wife - Act 5 ???

Scare # 5 - Rodents without fur

The basic setup - Last week at Costume Castle, I also purchased a little rat named Chewey. He was made of plastic, lightly colored with red eyes. Chewey was a well minded muroid, and didn't mind my hiding him next to the trash can underneath the kitchen sink. Chewey understood his role to scare Nicole and eagerly awaited his opportunity.

The action - I think Chewey ran away. He was there when I left for work on Wednesday, but Nicole came home before I did yesterday. Now Chewey is nowhere to be found and there isa new trash bag in the bin. I asked Nicole if she had seen anything, but she didn't seem to know what I was talking about. My guess is that Nicole was so scared, that her scream frightened Chewey and he ran for safety. I hope Chewey is okay.

Scaring my wife - Act 4

Scare #4 - Presidents are Scary

The basic setup - Last week while at costume castle I purchased an Abe Lincoln mask. Nicole was behind closed doors. I put the mask on and waited for her to come out.

The action - Nicole opened the door and I ran up to her asking "DO YOU LIKE MY NEW MASK!!!". Nicole realized it was me pretty quickly, but she still had fear in her eyes and did not like me wearing the mask. Apparently Abe is a scary guy even when he isn't trying to startle you.

I have to admit it was not nearly as good of scare as I had hoped. To make matters worse, the fake spiders I bought did not work at all. I even tried them in three different places... nothing.

I still have two more purchases from Costume Castle to make use of. I'm a little nervous that she found them while she was cleaning this weekend...

Crikey - Steve Irwin

Everytime I watched the crocidle hunter I said to myself "I can't believe that guy hasn't been killed doing this stuff!"... Now it seems hard to believe he actually died. I hope when I die, it's doing something I love to do. Maybe he was a good actor, but he did seem to love what he was doing.

I heard some comments on the Today Show this morning saying that TV causes these types of hosts to perform more dangerous stunts in order to attract viewers, boost ratings, etc., and therefore the audience was to blame. This seems pretty bogus to me. I don't think we need an audience to push ourselves harder. Even if the show he was working on was more dangerous than his previous shows, the stingray is not considered to be dangerous. Stingrays are responsible for less than 20 deaths in the whole world over the last 10 years.

RIP Steve, best wishes to Terri, Bindi & Bob. May Steve's death continue to inspire the fight for environmental protection and education.
http://www.ripsteve.com/

Is it Halloween yet?

This year... I'm going to dress as OJ and Nicole is going to dress as Nicole (Simpson, not Bullock)... It's going to be awesome!

I know it seems a little early to be thinking about this stuff, but I picked up the props for my scares this weekend from Costume Castle.

c-links b-low

>This is pretty cool Kinda makes me wanna go to the gym or something.






Most who know me know I'm not a republican, and I'm pretty dispointed in my neighborhood. So far there are 2 Arnold Schwarzenegger signs in people's yards, but no Phil Angelides. And I read that Arny holds a stong lead over Phil. If California... one of the strongest blue states can't elect a Democrat, what hope do we have to get a President?





If you had your very own priest... what would you do??? Look here... www.rentapriest.com I could definitely see myself rolling with a couple of priests. Wonder if they can install hardwood floors?

On a side note... Nicole did put that toy snake in my underwear drawer this weekend. It was a pretty weak attempt at a scare, but an attempt nonetheless. I'll be picking up some props for my next scare shortly. I think it'll be a good one!

1 week without a scare

It's been over a week since I've scared my wife Nicole last. She was still shaken from last week. So I made a little deal with myself that I wouldn't scare her again until she at least tried to scare me. Maybe she is too scared to scare me? I'm not sure. However, last night would have been the perfect opportunity for me to scare her. We watched the movie "Saw" which neither of us had ever seen. I know she was scared because at the end of the movie she said it was "stupid", and then she had to watch something funny before we could go to bed. It really was difficult to pass up such a golden opportunity, I guess that's just how much I love her.

On another note - Thanks to Matt for posting a link to my blog from his http://www.spyder-fonix.com/ Matt, eventhough you posted my link, I still won't make out with you.

This should be a pretty good weekend, Pagent of the Master tonight, Sabina & Kraig http://randomthoughtsandgripes.blogspot.com/ are having a party tomorrow, and Sunday we are going to another birthday party up in Ventura.

Here's hoping you don't have a scare-free weekend.

Scaring my wife - Act 3

The third scare of the week definitely made Nicole the most mad (not what I expected). At the same time, took the least effort on my part.

Scare #3 - Who's in the shower?

The basic setup - while Nicole was behind closed doors of another room, I was going to take a shower. Instead, I turned off the other lights, unplugged one of the lamps, turned on the shower, and waited quietly in the office.

The action - Nicole emerges from behind closed doors and turns off the light, the entire house is now dark. I listen. In a voice filled with both suspicion and fear she asks "where are you Ryan!"... footsteps as she walks down the hall... "Ryan, this isn't funny!". Click, click, click... "why won't the light turn on?". She finds the light switch for the closet and then goes into the bathroom, closes and locks the door.

The conclusion - I never got the change to jump out at her. I gave myself away while she was locked in the bathroom. Not exactly the reaction I was looking for. Nicole was actually pretty upset by this one. Sorry honey.

Nicole still plans on launching her "big guns" on me. Hopefully my next post will detail her scaring me :) That way I can have a clear conscience for Act 4.

Scaring my wife - Act 2

My second scare was characterized as "a rookie scare" by my beautiful wife. I learned this scare from her when she tried to use it on her mom, her dad, me, her nephew, my brother... and dozens of other unsuspecting victims.

Scare #2 - What's that long painted wood toy doing there?

The basic setup - Toy snake in bed. Clarification, I placed Nicole's toy snake, the snake she bought to scare others, under the covers on her side of the bed.

The action - Nicole pulls back the covers to get into bed and sees the fake snake. No scream, but a slight jump, look of fear, and gasp of breath.

The conclusion - it does not take Nicole long to realize the snake was not real. But it does take some time for her to stop hitting me. Again she is laughing, but unfortunately for me, I was laughing much harder, and this just made her more mad.

Scaring my wife - Act 1

God bless my wife. She loves to scare people, but unfortunately for her, she gets scared pretty easily. So in the last week, I've pulled 3 pretty good scares on her. Not that the scares were elaborate or any great testament to my ability to scare, I think they were pretty good because of her reactions.

Scare #1 - You're not pillows!

The basic setup - Nicole is in the bathroom getting ready for bed. I'm ready for bed, but instead of getting into the bed, I place two large pillows on my side of the bed and pull the covers up over them. The room is dark... the only light is coming from the bathroom where Nicole is still getting ready, and I step out into the hall.

The action - Nicole while brushing her teeth loudly asks from the bathroom "Are you asleep yet?" of course, I cannot answer, the sound would be coming from the wrong direction. So she comes out of the bathroom and asks again "are you sleeping?!" this time a little louder so I would wake up if I was asleep. At this point, I nearly blow it by laughing. Somehow I contain my giggles and she goes on about her business. Finnishing in the bathroom, she turns off the light so the entire room is now dark. Her eyes have not yet adjusted to this new darkness, and walks past me hiding in the doorway. She does not notice me, and still thinks I'm in bed. As she starts trying to find the bed with her hand, I spring onto her like a mountain lion on his prey. Grabbing her from behind I say "I'm not asleep yet". Her scream and jump and fright were better than I ever expected.

The conclusion - she tried not to let me in bed, but she was laughing too hard to put up any real defense. I laughed for another 30 minutes before falling asleep with an permanent smile :)

I know... sounds pretty mean... but remember, nobody enjoys scaring others more than Nicole.

My First Blog

I've thought about creating a blog for a while... I'm not sure why, either I think I have stuff to say and people want to read it, or I have stuff to say, but nobody actually wants to listen, so I'll write it here instead.

Last night I went for a 2 hour bike ride. I rode by myself which affords me lots of time to think about completely obscure, useless and possibly deranged thoughts. Which I think most of my blogs will resemble those types of thoughts.

There is a pretty good chance I'll make a few posts, then never make another one, but maybe I'll keep it up.

Until the next post,
-Ryan