Spank for freedom

I think most people can be tortured into saying just about anything. When former secretary of state Colin Powel viewed Bush's plan to define torture, he said with dismay that it would cause the world to doubt the moral basis of the war on terror and put our own troops at risk.

Now Bush has reportedly struck a deal with Senate republicans regarding the way suspects are treated. Bush says he will give up his plan and not try to redefine the rules decided at Geneva Conventions regarding torture. This tells us nothing about what "interogation tactics" are still allowable.

Here's my top 10 list of interogation tactics that I think will be most effective against the Taliban:

10. Let him watch his favorite movie in a theater full of teenage girls with cell phones.

9. Send him to McDonalds for Breakfast at 10:31am.

8. Make him listen to Peter complain.

7. Make him drive through leisure world on a Sunday with an octogenarian chauffer that won't turn off his turn signal.

6. Make him watch then entire season of American Idol. If he likes it, wait until the last episode is about to reveal the winner, then turn it off and don't let him find out until he gives up some good intel. If he doesn't like it... then just make him watch it until he gives up some good intel.

5. Any Mel Brooks Movie. Not becuase his movies are bad, just the opposite. I just think that the Taliban would be pissed off by funny jews. The nice thing about this interogation tactic, is our agents making the suspected terrorist detainees watch the movie would probably enjoy it.

4. Barbara Steisand sings, and sings, and sings... her whole portfolio, or until they break down and start talking. I know this is cruel, and could result in detainees giving false information just to make the music stop, but I don't think the UN will complain.

3. High School wresting team workout. Getting all hot and sweaty with some teenage boys will bring any terrorist to his knees. How many times can Bin Ladin get his oil checked before breaking down?

2. It's a small world after all, It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all... It's a small, small world... It's a small world after all... Just don't let them off until we get the info we need!

1. Vote Democrat. Without Bush in office, without policies based on fear and hate, there will not be as much support of these terror groups from foreign countries... Tell them Bush is leaving, and they'll probably go back to leaving us alone.